So Little Control


           Really disappointing day. Another suppression check revealed that the cyst on my left ovary is still present and large, but looks different. They believe it may be resolving. Yet at the same time, another cyst appeared to be forming. The follicles on that ovary have disappeared. The cyst is not the main concern. The uterine lining was even thicker than the last appointment. Later in the process a thick lining should help the transfer of an embryo. Currently, the thick lining is an indicator of high levels of estrogen.
            They took more blood and checked the levels. Sure enough, estrogen is too high once again. I asked my nurse at the end of the appointment and the reason estrogen needs to be low to begin is because after stimulation medications are completed estrogen will rise significantly. She said many women begin with a level below 50 and after stimulation the level can rise above 2,000. The plan is to continue the birth control for another two weeks and then test again. We would check in a week except that would mean retrieval lands during Thanksgiving when we are on vacation. The doctor is fine with continuing to suppress for two more weeks.
            I ended up more disappointed and frustrated than I expected. This situation is no one’s fault. I just feel that we are at a point where things are “controlled”. Of course, all the control is just an illusion. I just felt that we are monitoring and manipulating. We are determining when and what happens. Unlike all the other months we tried. Then God laughs. We are stuck with something else that I can do nothing about. To feel like there is a roadblock every time! The human psyche can only take so much.

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