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So Little Control

           Really disappointing day. Another suppression check revealed that the cyst on my left ovary is still present and large, but looks different. They believe it may be resolving. Yet at the same time, another cyst appeared to be forming. The follicles on that ovary have disappeared. The cyst is not the main concern. The uterine lining was even thicker than the last appointment. Later in the process a thick lining should help the transfer of an embryo. Currently, the thick lining is an indicator of high levels of estrogen.             They took more blood and checked the levels. Sure enough, estrogen is too high once again. I asked my nurse at the end of the appointment and the reason estrogen needs to be low to begin is because after stimulation medications are completed estrogen will rise significantly. She said many women begin with a level below 50 and after stimulation the level can rise above 2,000. The plan is to continue the birth control for another two weeks and the
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Dang ovaries! Get it together!

            Today (10/23/2018) was my suppression check appointment. The purpose of this visit was to determine if the suppression of ovulation had been successful and if the ovaries are ready for stimulation. Honestly, I am not exactly sure what they are looking for at this stage. The appointment involves a trans-vaginal  ultrasound and blood work , if needed.             This was meant to be a short visit to give us the green light to begin stimulation medications. Of course, not much works out as it should. During the ultrasound the sonographer immediately noted a cyst on my right ovary. She seemed unconcerned even though the dark spot on the screen looked huge to me! The left ovary looked normal and showed plenty of follicles ready for development. Aside from the cyst, the right had many follicles. She said the next step was to determine if the cyst is a hormone-producing cyst. If the cyst is producing excess amounts of estrogen, I remain on birth control until a future suppres
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And then life changes. . .

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       Between work and play, Tom and I have been struggling to learn and balance all the infertility and IVF information being thrown our way. Plenty of times we pity ourselves. This journey seems like the most important thing in our lives and surely the world. We are the most unfortunate.        Then on October 9, 2018 Tommy's sister, Melanie, passed away from a sudden hemorrhagic stroke. And for the next two weeks our world ground to a halt. Later we discovered she had a pre-existing condition, unbeknownst to even herself, called an arteriovenous malformation (AVM). In Melanie's case, the AVM ruptured and caused the stroke that took her life. Her husband, Alex, came home from work to find her. In attempts to reach Melanie's parents, Tommy and I received strange calls and in the end I made a call to Alex and got the horrifying news. We proceeded to inform Tommy's parents and then wait to hear more.       Suddenly, all of our problems and concerns became so small.
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Just can't do it. . .

09/20/2018             I have decided that I simply cannot do it. I cannot move forward and begin this process in October. There is too much to learn, too many unknowns that cannot be rectified in time, and too many decisions being forced because of time constraints instead of given due consideration. Becca sent me numerous documents to be read, signed, returned. There are many more than I thought. I was added to a support group on Facebook by a friend and there is more information in the posts of other women. I am hearing terms and procedures that were never discussed. Reading through the different posts, I feel like I am going to be missing something.             We received an estimate from the finance department, but that is still vague and forces our hand on payment option if we proceed this quickly. I know that the financial part stresses Tommy even if he claims he’s not that bothered. I want to be able to meet with a person! I want to pick the option that will be best for
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How We Arrived at the Specialist

           Sept. 18, 2018           Today was our first appointment with Seattle Reproductive Medicine (SRM). After trying to conceive for the last 2.5 years our options were finally at an end. Besides, there is only so much frustration and disappointment you can take before it’s time to move to the next step. The first year was trying all the natural ways. Sex roughly the middle of the cycle. Maybe trying different positions.              At a year you can now be labeled as having an issue with infertility. It’s one of those things where everyone knows it can and does happen, but surely it won’t happen to me. Hitting that year mark was a bit of a punch to the gut. There was still quite a bit to try. Nothing hopeless about it. We moved into testing to see what issues may be present.             Both of us received blood work to check hormone levels. All good. I received a couple different transvaginal ultrasounds over several months. First one revealed a cyst on one ovary. Noth
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