Just can't do it. . .

09/20/2018

            I have decided that I simply cannot do it. I cannot move forward and begin this process in October. There is too much to learn, too many unknowns that cannot be rectified in time, and too many decisions being forced because of time constraints instead of given due consideration. Becca sent me numerous documents to be read, signed, returned. There are many more than I thought. I was added to a support group on Facebook by a friend and there is more information in the posts of other women. I am hearing terms and procedures that were never discussed. Reading through the different posts, I feel like I am going to be missing something.
            We received an estimate from the finance department, but that is still vague and forces our hand on payment option if we proceed this quickly. I know that the financial part stresses Tommy even if he claims he’s not that bothered. I want to be able to meet with a person! I want to pick the option that will be best for our situation and give us the most comfort. Sounds bad to say “the most bang for our buck”, but it’s true! This will be a lot of money.
            I want the time to decide what tests we want and how we want to pay. I think it will always be a process where I continue to learn more, but I don’t think this should be rushed. Talking to a friend, she agrees that taking my time is best. I should be excited, confident, and comfortable. Not stressed and rushed. She mentioned facebook fundraiser or GoFundMe. I am not sure we can humble ourselves enough to ask for that kind of help. I can’t deny how must of a help it would be. We shall see.
            The one nice thing about posting our initial visit on Facebook is that in these last couple of days we have received so much outpouring of support. And, as usual, some from unexpected places. It’s great to see people band together and step up to support one another. Multiple Facebook friends have sent messages of support and admitting they are/have struggled in the same way. I am not shy about sharing my journey. It’s something that many people deal with and the language and feelings around the topic need to change.
           I expressed my doubts and feelings to Tommy. Thankfully, he is completely supportive and agrees. I will send a message to Becca and ask about expressing this to Dr. Klein when we meet for our confirmation appointment.

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